1 00:00:00,172 --> 00:00:05,659 One, two, three, four pillows on couch. 2 00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:07,523 What are they doing now? What did I miss? 3 00:00:07,524 --> 00:00:08,938 - Hey! - Get out of the way. 4 00:00:08,939 --> 00:00:10,664 Nothing. They are not home yet. 5 00:00:10,665 --> 00:00:13,736 We recently discovered, besides our neighbors 6 00:00:13,737 --> 00:00:16,670 Sean and Charmaine on that side of the house, 7 00:00:16,671 --> 00:00:20,019 we also have neighbors on this side. 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,917 Can you imagine? More neighbors. 9 00:00:21,918 --> 00:00:26,266 It was a stroke of blind luck we discovered we even had a window 10 00:00:26,267 --> 00:00:28,234 on this side of the house. 11 00:00:28,235 --> 00:00:30,201 This side of the house. 12 00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,686 Dear Guide, every time I call you, 13 00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:36,242 I lose my nerves like a chicken for the slaughter. 14 00:00:36,243 --> 00:00:38,038 I was... Oh. 15 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,073 Oh, shit. 16 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:43,767 We have a window. It's a It's a house. 17 00:00:44,216 --> 00:00:46,011 Hey. Ooh. Oh, sh 18 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,980 And now we are using that window to spy on the neighbors. 19 00:00:50,981 --> 00:00:52,361 Why are they not home yet? 20 00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:53,983 Have you guys seen my phone anywhere? 21 00:00:53,984 --> 00:00:56,883 Not now, Guillermo. We are spying on the neighbors. 22 00:00:56,884 --> 00:00:58,264 - Why? - Look. 23 00:00:58,265 --> 00:00:59,782 They're home. They're home. They're home. 24 00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:04,063 What's this shit? When did old bald guy grow hair? 25 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,099 What? 26 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,791 They're not even wearing the same clothes they left in this morning. 27 00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:13,314 - Are they in disguise? - And somehow looking 30 years younger. 28 00:01:13,935 --> 00:01:16,834 So yeah, the house next door is very obviously an Airbnb. 29 00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:20,562 I guess I never taught them what... No, you know what? I did. I did. 30 00:01:20,563 --> 00:01:22,115 They probably weren't listening. 31 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,565 Oh, no. 32 00:01:23,566 --> 00:01:27,190 That house belongs to shape-shifters. 33 00:01:27,673 --> 00:01:30,503 - Fuck. - You're kidding me, right? 34 00:01:30,504 --> 00:01:34,265 Shape-shifters are extremely freaky. 35 00:01:34,266 --> 00:01:39,684 They're awful, abhorrent creatures that use the most ancient of sorcery 36 00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:43,861 to transform into whatever murderous, all-powerful shape 37 00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,759 their wicked hearts desire. 38 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,762 And now they have infiltrated our street. 39 00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:52,490 I have had horrible experiences with shape-shifters in the past. 40 00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:56,460 I was once in a relationship with a woman for four years 41 00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:59,671 who then transformed into a possum. 42 00:02:00,465 --> 00:02:05,746 I stayed with her for six more months, but then I just had to end it. 43 00:02:07,196 --> 00:02:08,955 This is a fucking nightmare. 44 00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:11,476 It's just an Airbnb. Shut up, Guillermo. 45 00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:16,514 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 46 00:02:16,515 --> 00:02:19,104 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 47 00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:22,141 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 48 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,765 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 49 00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:29,078 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 50 00:02:29,079 --> 00:02:31,874 ♪ You've sold out your dream to the world ♪ 51 00:02:31,875 --> 00:02:34,153 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 52 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,260 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 53 00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:51,377 Recently, I've been beset 54 00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:54,415 by the most strange and eerie feeling. 55 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,384 A chill down my spine. 56 00:02:58,108 --> 00:02:59,972 A weight on my shoulders. 57 00:03:00,766 --> 00:03:05,184 The most ethereal sounds coming from absolutely nowhere. 58 00:03:07,428 --> 00:03:09,326 Like that. Did you hear that? 59 00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:11,708 Actually, that was just me breaking wind. 60 00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:16,541 But these macabre sounds are very similar. 61 00:03:16,955 --> 00:03:19,751 My wife Nadja thinks they might be ghosts, 62 00:03:20,372 --> 00:03:22,028 but I'm not so sure. 63 00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:30,934 - Oh, shit! - Shit. Did the summoning work? 64 00:03:32,557 --> 00:03:34,868 So it did. 65 00:03:34,869 --> 00:03:36,561 Ah. Aha! 66 00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:41,013 Hello, my son. It's me, Papa. 67 00:03:41,462 --> 00:03:43,222 Fuck off. 68 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,362 Laszlo. Laszlo! 69 00:03:45,363 --> 00:03:47,571 - Oh - No fucking way. 70 00:03:47,572 --> 00:03:50,159 I see the grumpy fellow hasn't changed a lick. 71 00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:54,474 Well, what a lovely sight you are. 72 00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:56,373 - Oh. - Roderick Cravensworth. 73 00:03:56,374 --> 00:04:00,066 Is it really you? Laszlo's father? 74 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:01,757 Well, if the tit fits the cup. 75 00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:03,276 - Definitely family, then. - Yes. 76 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:06,245 And you must be his ethnic mistress. 77 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,007 Yes, that is how it started. But I am actually now very much his wife. 78 00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:12,941 We have been married for many hundreds of years. 79 00:04:12,942 --> 00:04:14,254 How much I have missed. 80 00:04:14,771 --> 00:04:18,084 What a divine pleasure it is to make your acquaintance. 81 00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:20,120 Oh [chuckles] Oh. 82 00:04:20,121 --> 00:04:23,400 - Um, trying to get the kerchief. - This is a perennial ghost issue. 83 00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:24,918 So I have to ask, 84 00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:27,266 - what's your unfinished business? - Yes. 85 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:32,271 Well, my tiny lady, I'm here to repair my long-troubled relationship with Laszlo. 86 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:38,173 Yes, he may be a vampire and I a spirit, but we will always be, above all else, 87 00:04:38,174 --> 00:04:39,416 father and son. 88 00:04:39,417 --> 00:04:41,176 - Aw - Yes, we love that. 89 00:04:41,177 --> 00:04:42,315 So sweet. 90 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,834 - Oh. Hello. - Oh, yes. 91 00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:45,939 What are these contraptions? 92 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:49,426 Oh, uh, these are camera machines. They take your portrait. 93 00:04:49,427 --> 00:04:51,636 Ah, yes, you have to keep very still. 94 00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:55,985 Um 95 00:04:56,986 --> 00:05:00,678 Anyone else notice the ghost, or is it just me? 96 00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:03,855 - Come on, Laszlo. Just introduce him. - All right. 97 00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:07,306 Attention, everybody. 98 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,861 May I introduce you to a man who has gone by many names. 99 00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:13,001 - The Whispering Swordsman. - Mmm. 100 00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:17,626 Scurrilous Bob. The Barkham Bone Digger. The Marquess of Manchester. 101 00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:19,041 - Nice. Huh. - The Black Finger. 102 00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:21,597 - And lastly, my father - Nice. 103 00:05:22,045 --> 00:05:24,668 Lord Roderick Cravensworth. 104 00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:27,084 - You forgot one sobriquet. - Oh? 105 00:05:27,085 --> 00:05:29,880 The Night Dog of Tresco. But that was most of them. 106 00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:32,365 I'm delighted to meet all of my beloved son's roommates. 107 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,472 Although I did think perhaps he would have had his own place by now, 108 00:05:35,473 --> 00:05:36,645 but what do I know? 109 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,237 Let me ask you, sir. How did you get all those dope nicknames? 110 00:05:41,686 --> 00:05:45,966 The finest man I ever knew bestowed most of those monikers upon me. 111 00:05:47,416 --> 00:05:51,557 That is, soon after he saved my life in deepest Sumatra. 112 00:05:51,558 --> 00:05:54,560 Oh, wow. And what was his name? 113 00:05:54,561 --> 00:05:58,391 I can't remember. I think it was Glen or something. 114 00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,565 - Glen. - And who might this, 115 00:05:59,566 --> 00:06:01,221 uh, taciturn fellow be? 116 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:02,671 Get up. 117 00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:05,053 This, Father, is my greatest creation to date. 118 00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:07,366 I call him Cravensworth's Monster. 119 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:11,093 Now, as you can see, I've created a man by reanimating dead human flesh. 120 00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:14,718 Surpassing any of your own scientific experiments. 121 00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,685 No, I tried it, but it didn't work. 122 00:06:16,686 --> 00:06:19,067 I just ended up with a dead body with lots of bits stuck together. 123 00:06:19,068 --> 00:06:21,034 I didn't reanimate it. 124 00:06:21,035 --> 00:06:23,105 I sewed the body bits together, but I didn't do the reanimation. 125 00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:25,384 So, well done. Yes. 126 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:29,042 Although, not the most comely of fellows. Perhaps he takes after his creator. 127 00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:30,699 Hey. 128 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,805 - Very good. - I would love a tour 129 00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:34,738 of Château de Cravensworth. 130 00:06:34,739 --> 00:06:37,775 Really? Well, it's a pity that because we're very busy right now. 131 00:06:37,776 --> 00:06:39,328 Actually, Night Dog of Tresco, 132 00:06:39,329 --> 00:06:42,470 I would love to show you around our humble abode. 133 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,264 Fantástico. Lead on, squire. 134 00:06:44,265 --> 00:06:46,612 - Out here is what we call the foyer. - Very good. 135 00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,752 - What a fun guy. - So charming. 136 00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:51,099 - Love him. - What? He's not fun. 137 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,652 - He's pretty fun. - You've been beguiled 138 00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:54,585 by his wicked charms. 139 00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:58,624 The only reason he has come back here is to make amends with you. 140 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:00,557 Why don't you give him a chance? 141 00:07:00,558 --> 00:07:03,076 My darling, that man is never to be trusted. 142 00:07:03,077 --> 00:07:04,457 Never. 143 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,770 His silver tongue is as sharp as the ivory paddle 144 00:07:06,771 --> 00:07:09,980 that he used to bring down across my bare backside. 145 00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:12,810 He would spank me in front of the polo horses. 146 00:07:12,811 --> 00:07:14,294 He'd give them a right show. 147 00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:17,815 My bare backside out in the wind for all to see. 148 00:07:17,816 --> 00:07:19,576 How everyone would laugh 149 00:07:19,577 --> 00:07:24,028 as that paddle would come down hard across my bare backside. 150 00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:26,755 "Arms out, head forward, be a good boy." 151 00:07:26,756 --> 00:07:29,482 It would come down again. 152 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:33,832 Again and again and again. 153 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,109 Are you okay? 154 00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:37,939 Forgive me. I'm not quite myself. 155 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:40,389 Uh, I thought you quite liked being spanked. 156 00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:41,633 Oh, yeah. 157 00:07:45,326 --> 00:07:48,605 I used to keep these in my room, but I ran out of space, 158 00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:51,849 so I had to move 'em up here. 159 00:07:57,753 --> 00:08:00,203 You'll see why in a second. 160 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,692 - Ta-da. - What an impressive collection 161 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:09,315 - of detailed maquettes. - Really? 162 00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:12,663 Most people don't give a flying F to the moon about my Funko army. 163 00:08:12,664 --> 00:08:14,320 No, I think they're enchanting. 164 00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:16,978 And who is this bewitching bonita? 165 00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:19,083 Oh, well, you have really good taste. 166 00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:23,502 That is Lizzo. And it's a rare one because she's holding the flute. 167 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,434 This one's also Lizzo. 168 00:08:25,435 --> 00:08:27,816 This one she's holding her purse, but this one she's holding the flute. 169 00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:30,370 Geez, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm probably boring you to death... 170 00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:32,441 No, no. Please, please. 171 00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:36,377 I could listen to you extemporize on these plastic things for hours, my boy. 172 00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:39,379 Get your ghost hand off him, Father. 173 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:41,243 Enough of the soft-shoe. 174 00:08:41,244 --> 00:08:44,730 Reveal your game or suffer the consequences. 175 00:08:44,731 --> 00:08:47,422 Now, now. Calm down, my bubbly boy. 176 00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:48,804 Yeah? 177 00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:50,563 What's that in your hands? 178 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,185 - What? This? - Yes. 179 00:08:52,186 --> 00:08:54,118 It's a spirit catcher of my own invention. 180 00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:56,845 From the last time we had a ghost infestation. 181 00:08:56,846 --> 00:09:00,849 Yeah. It also coincided with me showing him Ghostbusters II, 182 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:03,680 and a week later, he "came up" with that device. 183 00:09:03,681 --> 00:09:05,026 It was a parallel thought. 184 00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:06,752 Well, I for one am fascinated by it. 185 00:09:06,753 --> 00:09:10,790 Do tell me about this divine device, my cherubic Fibonacci. 186 00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:13,137 Well, it is quite interesting. 187 00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:17,694 - It's a atomic vacuum modified by myself. - Atomic? 188 00:09:17,695 --> 00:09:19,937 - I added the blunderbuss. - Blunderbuss? 189 00:09:19,938 --> 00:09:21,560 Yep. And as you can see, 190 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,803 I've housed everything into a large carriage clock. 191 00:09:23,804 --> 00:09:26,323 - That is stupendous. - Isn't it just? 192 00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:28,946 And, uh, I used this from one of Nadja's old 193 00:09:28,947 --> 00:09:30,707 - Mmm. Yes. - Dresses. 194 00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,294 You can get fucked. 195 00:09:32,295 --> 00:09:35,644 I'm onto you. You only flatter when you want something. 196 00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:40,820 Well, you got five seconds before I suck you to kingdom come. 197 00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:45,411 The last time I heard that was on my penultimate visit to the cunny pot. 198 00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:47,724 Cunny pot. 199 00:09:47,725 --> 00:09:50,312 I didn't even hear it, but I know it was funny. 200 00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:52,729 It was really funny. It's good. 201 00:09:54,352 --> 00:09:58,114 Ah. Fleet of foot. Yes. His usual trick. 202 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:00,772 Show yourself, you bastard. 203 00:10:01,324 --> 00:10:05,465 Look at these two. Cooking dinner. 204 00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:07,260 - Please, as if. - Bullshit. 205 00:10:07,261 --> 00:10:11,092 What are these shape-shifting sons of bitches planning? 206 00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:15,441 Um, Airbnb shouldn't even be that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. 207 00:10:15,442 --> 00:10:17,754 Will you shut the fuck up, Guillermo? 208 00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:18,789 - Yes. - Okay. 209 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,929 Nandor, I'll say it. 210 00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:24,174 We need to capture and destroy the shape-shifters. 211 00:10:24,175 --> 00:10:26,452 Yes, I'm in full agreement, Nadja. 212 00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:31,388 So maybe I just go over there, and I kill and mince them with my bare hands. 213 00:10:31,389 --> 00:10:33,459 Fuck. That's really good. 214 00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:35,012 Mmm. 215 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:37,670 I think you should give your dad another chance, Laszlo. 216 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,292 I mean, he's really nice. 217 00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:41,674 And he knows a hell of a lot about the spice trade. 218 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,642 With all due respect, Colin Robinson, 219 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,989 you haven't got a fucking clue who the shit you're fucking with. 220 00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:49,199 Look, we're getting closer. And closer. He's in here. 221 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,960 Show yourself, Padre. Meet thy maker. 222 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,723 Leslie, please wait. 223 00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:59,796 I know I haven't been the best father, but I felt this pull to return. 224 00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,832 To be the father you've always needed. 225 00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:06,354 And to learn about this incredible, modern vampire life you lead. 226 00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:08,701 You expect me to believe that shoeshine? 227 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,427 No. I think he means it. 228 00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:14,327 I think he's really interested in learning about our lives. 229 00:11:14,328 --> 00:11:16,019 - Yes. - Besides, 230 00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:19,263 it's been really nice having an older male figure in the house. 231 00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:20,540 Yeah, it has. 232 00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:22,853 I sure wish I had one when I was growing up. 233 00:11:22,854 --> 00:11:24,406 What? You fucking did. It was me. 234 00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:27,168 I raised you from a baby, Colin Robinson. 235 00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:30,206 You keep saying that and people are gonna think you're 236 00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,345 My son. 237 00:11:32,346 --> 00:11:34,382 You may well choose to use that apparatus on me, 238 00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:37,523 but know that I care about you deeply, my rotten little soldier. 239 00:11:37,524 --> 00:11:41,321 And I would give anything for a second chance. 240 00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:46,705 Oh 241 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,740 Please don't cry, Father. 242 00:11:49,053 --> 00:11:51,019 - Please, don't cry. - All right, then. 243 00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:55,230 All right, I'll give you a second chance. 244 00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:58,855 But if you fuck up, I will suck you dry. 245 00:11:58,856 --> 00:12:03,238 As the maître d' of the Hellfire Club said to me whilst getting my peacoat. 246 00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:06,759 You are literally the funniest man ever. 247 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,728 - I like him. - All right. 248 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:16,113 So, Mr. Cravensworth asked us to show him our New York, 249 00:12:16,114 --> 00:12:18,460 and I get to choose where we go first. 250 00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:21,325 Times Square MandM store, here we come. 251 00:12:21,326 --> 00:12:22,671 Wait, Laszlo. 252 00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:24,881 You're not just going out into the world unattended. 253 00:12:24,882 --> 00:12:28,954 I presume a gentleman of your station has a manservant of some kind. 254 00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:30,438 I do have a manservant. 255 00:12:30,439 --> 00:12:33,096 I just choose not to let him stay in the house. 256 00:12:33,097 --> 00:12:34,304 Ah. 257 00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,824 If you'll excuse me. I shall be a moment. 258 00:12:36,825 --> 00:12:39,103 My grandma's also a ghost. 259 00:12:40,656 --> 00:12:42,450 - Hey, knock first. - I need you to come with me, 260 00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:44,590 pretend to be my manservant and do not ask me why. 261 00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:47,662 It's okay if you're trying to impress your dad's ghost. 262 00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:48,939 - Well, I'm not. - You know, 263 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:50,907 I would wanna impress my dad too. 264 00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,254 Hypothetically. He left when I was three, so I never got to meet him. 265 00:12:53,255 --> 00:12:55,532 Right. Okay. That makes you the luckiest man in the world. 266 00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:57,085 Come on, Gizmo. Uh 267 00:12:57,086 --> 00:12:59,467 - Now! - Coming. 268 00:13:01,539 --> 00:13:03,160 Give me a minute. 269 00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,610 Are you sure you don't need me to look under the hood? 270 00:13:04,611 --> 00:13:07,164 No, I don't need anything. I'm fine. 271 00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:08,476 Fuck! 272 00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:11,203 I'm gonna go give him a hand and sort this out. 273 00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:12,825 Fan-fucking-tastic. 274 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:16,346 You're very lucky to serve a man as wonderful as my son. 275 00:13:16,347 --> 00:13:19,142 - Hmm. - If you're anything like my butler Cecil, 276 00:13:19,143 --> 00:13:21,593 you'll know how to anticipate his every need. 277 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:25,149 And I do mean his every need. 278 00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:30,463 The G-spot. The erotic zone. 279 00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,327 Oh. No, sorry. 280 00:13:32,328 --> 00:13:35,123 It's not like that with your son and I. 281 00:13:35,124 --> 00:13:38,402 Cecil worked my whirligigs like a maypole. 282 00:13:38,403 --> 00:13:41,233 He was something of a psychosexual chess master. 283 00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,512 Could we talk about something else, maybe? 284 00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:46,204 Have you ever kissed a ghost? 285 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,000 Now it's go time. 286 00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:53,176 Lancer to Rawhide, do you read me? Over. 287 00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:55,834 Rawhide to Lancer, I can read you loud and clear. 288 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,665 Why, hello, my sweet gooseberry jam. How much for a go-round? 289 00:13:59,666 --> 00:14:02,219 - Ahem. - Miss Nadja, my sincerest apologies. 290 00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:04,739 I briefly mistook you for a lady of the night. 291 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:07,776 You thought I was a little fucking whore, did you? 292 00:14:07,777 --> 00:14:09,330 - Yes. - You charmer. 293 00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:11,884 Cut the cross talk, Rawhide. Stay on mission! 294 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:15,267 That's lively. Get a rag, Colin Robinson. Get a rag! 295 00:14:15,268 --> 00:14:16,268 Okay. 296 00:14:17,132 --> 00:14:20,030 Rawhide, make your way through the side gate. 297 00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:21,687 Be very quiet. 298 00:14:21,688 --> 00:14:23,344 If they sense you coming, 299 00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:26,381 they'll rip you apart before you can even bare your fangs. 300 00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:28,176 But you got this. 301 00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:30,178 You will soon see a mat. 302 00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:33,009 On it is written "welcome." 303 00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:35,011 Counts as an invitation. 304 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,706 It would be easier to hide if you stopped talking. 305 00:14:40,707 --> 00:14:42,259 Okay. That's smart. 306 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,917 - I'll stop talking. - Shut up! 307 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:45,988 She's in. 308 00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:50,129 Now she must hide and catch them unawares. 309 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:52,615 Look at them! The shape-shifters. 310 00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:54,478 They don't suspect a thing. 311 00:14:54,479 --> 00:14:58,069 They're too busy playing with the combat training blocks. 312 00:14:59,346 --> 00:15:00,346 Oh, shit! 313 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,142 Shit, they've heard her! They've heard her! 314 00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:04,730 She's fucked! 315 00:15:04,731 --> 00:15:08,320 Rawhide, shape-shifter one has picked up a knife. 316 00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:09,631 He's approaching you! 317 00:15:09,632 --> 00:15:11,668 He could shape-shift at any moment! 318 00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:14,740 Can you hear me? Over. Don't engage alone. 319 00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:16,293 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 320 00:15:16,294 --> 00:15:17,916 Rawhide, do you need backup? 321 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,951 Can you hear me? 322 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,921 Rawhide! Do you copy? Over. 323 00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:28,167 Ha! You beauty. 324 00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:30,859 Bravo, my mechanical maestros. 325 00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:32,758 I fixed it. 326 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:35,071 It was the exhaust manifold. I just had to get in there a little. 327 00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:39,592 It wasn't the fucking exhaust manifold. It was the spark ignition, and I fixed it. 328 00:15:39,593 --> 00:15:42,286 Trust me. I fixed it all on my own, Daddy. 329 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:45,945 I meant, uh 330 00:15:46,669 --> 00:15:48,429 Um, I meant to say, uh, 331 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,258 Mr. Cravensworth. 332 00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:51,880 Fuck's sake! 333 00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,263 Rawhide, 334 00:15:55,264 --> 00:15:57,886 the shape-shifters took out the jalopy. 335 00:15:57,887 --> 00:15:59,648 I've got your back, Rawhide! 336 00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:03,685 Shit. Fuck. Sorry, Nate. 337 00:16:03,686 --> 00:16:05,481 They're shifting! Fuck this! 338 00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:08,588 Rawhide! 339 00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:14,282 Oh, good. She made it out. 340 00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:16,284 I thought I was fucking dead. 341 00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:18,321 What's this? They got Nate? 342 00:16:18,322 --> 00:16:22,084 - Yes, Nate got got. - Oh, no. 343 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,224 - Wait. Wait a minute. - What? 344 00:16:25,225 --> 00:16:29,228 I was not watching you the entire time that you were over there. 345 00:16:29,229 --> 00:16:33,163 How do I know that you are actually you 346 00:16:33,164 --> 00:16:35,890 and haven't been replaced by a shape-shifter? 347 00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:38,514 Are you fucking kidding me? 348 00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:45,382 - Great. - The truth is, 349 00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:48,352 Sir Colin of Robinson, that I never knew my own father. 350 00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:50,318 Yeah, me neither. 351 00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:53,080 It's a terrible thing and leaves a man ill-equipped 352 00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:55,668 when it comes to his own turn at parenthood. 353 00:16:55,669 --> 00:16:58,844 Oh, I-I think you're the coolest guy ever. 354 00:16:58,845 --> 00:17:01,847 Well, you know, you're not half bad yourself, young man. 355 00:17:01,848 --> 00:17:03,056 Do you think 356 00:17:03,712 --> 00:17:05,195 Nah, it's kind of stupid. 357 00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:07,197 No, please. Tell me. 358 00:17:07,198 --> 00:17:11,375 I was going to ask if I could maybe give you a hug. 359 00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:16,138 I don't know that you'll be able to feel these translucent arms of mine 360 00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:20,073 but I think we should have a go, don't you? 361 00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:23,076 All right. 362 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,390 I don't know. Maybe I have been too harsh on my father. 363 00:17:27,391 --> 00:17:29,461 After all, he is showing kindness to Colin Robinson. 364 00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:31,843 A Herculean task if ever there was one. 365 00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:34,122 You're fucking kidding. 366 00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,537 Remind me again, Nadja. 367 00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:39,091 If that is in fact who you really are. 368 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,578 What is my favorite film? 369 00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:45,443 I don't fucking know! 370 00:17:45,823 --> 00:17:49,377 Captive did not know that the captor's favorite film 371 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:52,208 is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. 372 00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:53,795 Enough of this! 373 00:17:53,796 --> 00:17:56,453 Just because I ignore all of the bullshit that you say, 374 00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:58,593 does not prove that I am a shape-shifter. 375 00:17:58,594 --> 00:18:00,906 If anything, it proves that it is me! 376 00:18:00,907 --> 00:18:03,115 Someone who doesn't care about anything you say! 377 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,565 Now, will you just untie me? 378 00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:07,119 Okay, fine. You are not a shape-shifter. 379 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,603 Okay? I apologize. 380 00:18:08,604 --> 00:18:10,710 I can admit when I'm wrong. 381 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:13,091 Done. 382 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,542 Sorry. I just was a little paranoid, that's all. 383 00:18:16,164 --> 00:18:18,096 It is odd, though. 384 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,685 I myself was away from you for a while while I was in the house. 385 00:18:21,686 --> 00:18:23,446 So? 386 00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:27,864 Admit it. You are just a snaky, tricky little shape-shifting bitch. 387 00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,590 Ha! 388 00:18:29,591 --> 00:18:30,832 - Yeah, he is. - We must not let them tear us apart 389 00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,110 like this. 390 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,112 Oh, shit. 391 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,149 Nadja, Nandor! The lady from next door is here to see you guys. 392 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,702 The shape-shifters are here. 393 00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:40,635 The shape-shifters are here! What are we gonna do? 394 00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:42,154 Pull yourself together! 395 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,776 - Thank you. - Yes, thank you. 396 00:18:43,777 --> 00:18:45,951 - I feel much better now. - Please come down! 397 00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:48,712 I've been here 15 years and no one by that description comes to mind. 398 00:18:48,713 --> 00:18:50,266 - Really? Not those two? - Who? 399 00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:51,784 My guests said they were in the house. 400 00:18:51,785 --> 00:18:53,855 They also said that an old-timey car exploded. 401 00:18:53,856 --> 00:18:56,548 Your guests? Hmm. 402 00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:58,136 Perhaps she is their leader. 403 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,518 No, she is the host of the Airbnb and owner of... 404 00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,279 Silence, Guillermo. 405 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,833 My guests also said you were spying on them. With a telescope? 406 00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,179 Listen here, shifty. 407 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,285 We are onto your little games. 408 00:19:09,286 --> 00:19:10,734 What you have going on over there 409 00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:13,669 violates all of the laws of nature. 410 00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:18,915 Okay, fine. Technically, the unit isn't zoned for an Airbnb, okay? 411 00:19:18,916 --> 00:19:21,918 I'm just trying to make some passive income. Is that such a crime? 412 00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,058 What the fuck is she talking about? 413 00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:27,062 - Guillermo, what is passive income? - Yes. And what is "Airppp?" 414 00:19:27,511 --> 00:19:28,994 Yeah, that's what's going on. 415 00:19:28,995 --> 00:19:31,652 We figured out that that was an illegal unit. 416 00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:34,413 Shit. Okay, listen, can we just keep this between us? 417 00:19:34,414 --> 00:19:36,312 Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. 418 00:19:40,731 --> 00:19:44,354 Great Britain. Yes, the British Empire. 419 00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:47,840 We've plundered the world, but our museums are fucking great. 420 00:19:47,841 --> 00:19:49,842 What are you doing down here, Father? 421 00:19:49,843 --> 00:19:53,399 Just having a bit of chitchat with your curious creation. 422 00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:54,814 Right. 423 00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:59,197 Well, not easy for me to say this, 424 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:04,133 but I know you have paternal affection for me, and that affection is reciprocal, 425 00:20:04,755 --> 00:20:10,208 though not often displayed due to a fear that it might not be returned in kind. 426 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,761 Very well put, my boy. 427 00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:15,213 But what I'd like to do is begin a more 428 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,526 free-flowing communication between the two of us. 429 00:20:18,527 --> 00:20:22,047 That would gladden my heart, my bonny lad. 430 00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,225 - Hug Daddy. - What are you... 431 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,261 - Hug Daddy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 432 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:34,542 Explain to me why the Book of Souls is open on my workbench right behind you 433 00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:36,614 and on that particular spell. 434 00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:40,065 Yes, I thought as much. 435 00:20:40,066 --> 00:20:43,068 I know exactly what you're doing and the answer is a big fat no. 436 00:20:43,069 --> 00:20:48,073 I forbid you to use my monster as your vessel on this earthly plane. 437 00:20:48,074 --> 00:20:50,731 I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 438 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,664 Really? As soon as my back's turned, 439 00:20:52,665 --> 00:20:55,908 you'd be up that bastard like a frankfurter sausage in a bun. 440 00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:57,289 - Coward. - But, Son, 441 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,842 you don't understand what it's like, 442 00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:01,363 the place where I come from, where my spirit resides. 443 00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:03,813 It's fucking awful. 444 00:21:03,814 --> 00:21:06,436 All the classes are mixed together. 445 00:21:06,437 --> 00:21:08,404 I have to talk to poor people. 446 00:21:08,405 --> 00:21:11,027 I have to feign interest in the Welsh. 447 00:21:11,028 --> 00:21:13,409 I can't touch myself. It's hell. 448 00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:17,620 But if my ghost could inhabit a human body, I could begin life anew 449 00:21:17,621 --> 00:21:22,487 and have an orgasm again for the first time in 200 fucking years. 450 00:21:22,488 --> 00:21:24,351 It's all about you, isn't it? 451 00:21:24,352 --> 00:21:28,596 Always about Lord Roderick Cravensworth. No one else matters. 452 00:21:28,597 --> 00:21:32,945 Ruining my life from day one. Like when you humiliated me at Wimbledon. 453 00:21:32,946 --> 00:21:36,052 You can't play power tennis. There's no shame in that. 454 00:21:36,053 --> 00:21:40,436 - You fucked my Latin tutor! - Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton. 455 00:21:40,437 --> 00:21:43,991 Hiring Rasputin to be my babysitter. 456 00:21:43,992 --> 00:21:45,372 That was last minute. 457 00:21:45,373 --> 00:21:48,789 And who can forget when you murdered Mother? 458 00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:51,309 - Not this again. - Good grief. 459 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,656 Prove it. 460 00:21:52,863 --> 00:21:54,313 Well, I'll tell you something. 461 00:21:54,727 --> 00:21:57,142 You are not getting your hands on my monster, 462 00:21:57,143 --> 00:21:58,799 my greatest creation to date. 463 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,424 You will not be using him as your meat puppet. 464 00:22:03,045 --> 00:22:06,324 You think I'd want this wretched homunculus for a body? 465 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,396 - I right here! - No, you have me all wrong. 466 00:22:09,397 --> 00:22:13,883 You see, the divine human vessel I wish to inhabit is your own. 467 00:22:13,884 --> 00:22:16,575 I beg your pardon? 468 00:22:16,576 --> 00:22:18,370 Oh, come on, Son. You've had your turn. 469 00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:22,063 Be a good boy and let your daddy inhabit your flesh. 470 00:22:22,064 --> 00:22:25,377 - The Father of the Fatherless. Shammash. - No! No! 471 00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:28,726 No! This must stop! 472 00:22:29,244 --> 00:22:33,661 - O Ancient Ones. Gods of the Night. - Shut your mouth! 473 00:22:33,662 --> 00:22:35,180 Spirit catcher! 474 00:22:37,908 --> 00:22:41,945 Get me my spirit catcher! 475 00:22:41,946 --> 00:22:43,776 Yes! 476 00:22:47,538 --> 00:22:49,091 Ha! 477 00:22:50,127 --> 00:22:54,130 Prepare to get sucked, Daddy. 478 00:22:54,131 --> 00:22:55,788 No! Not like this! 479 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:02,726 No! 480 00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:06,419 Oof! 481 00:23:13,702 --> 00:23:15,842 Farewell, Father. 482 00:23:18,776 --> 00:23:20,984 So yeah, after I spent another two hours 483 00:23:20,985 --> 00:23:24,436 explaining to Nadja and Nandor that our neighbor wasn't a shape-shifter 484 00:23:24,437 --> 00:23:27,094 I told you what it is. It's her space. She's renting it out. 485 00:23:27,095 --> 00:23:29,579 Remember I went to an Airbnb on vacation for... 486 00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:31,168 What has it got to do with the air? 487 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:34,239 We made a deal with her. 488 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,415 We wouldn't report Nancy's illegal Airbnb if she would let us stay 489 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,176 - for a free weekend once a month. - I mean, look at this sign. 490 00:23:40,177 --> 00:23:43,766 It says, "Bye Felicia and take Karen with you." 491 00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,940 I'm gonna start saying that. 492 00:23:47,356 --> 00:23:48,805 - Hey. - Come on in. 493 00:23:48,806 --> 00:23:50,117 I just wanted to drop off 494 00:23:50,118 --> 00:23:52,084 - some fresh baked cookies - Ooh! 495 00:23:52,085 --> 00:23:54,949 To say thank you for your discretion. 496 00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:57,020 Couldn't possibly. 497 00:23:57,021 --> 00:23:59,333 - Thank you, Nancy. - Anything you need, you let me know, okay? 498 00:23:59,334 --> 00:24:02,578 - Bye Felicia and take Karen with you. - Take Karen with you. 499 00:24:02,579 --> 00:24:05,960 You guys are so crazy. Have the best night. Amazing. 500 00:24:05,961 --> 00:24:08,756 - She's really nice. - Mm-hmm. 501 00:24:08,757 --> 00:24:12,450 - Bananagrams, anyone? - Yes. Why not? 502 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,004 Help me turn the tiles. 503 00:24:14,314 --> 00:24:15,695 So sorry. 504 00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:19,974 - All right, old chap. - Oh. Where's Mr. Cravensworth? 505 00:24:19,975 --> 00:24:23,323 I got him this Pop Yourself that looks like him. 506 00:24:23,669 --> 00:24:25,773 I know it's kind of stupid, but I thought... 507 00:24:25,774 --> 00:24:28,639 - Sit down, Colin. - Okay. 508 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,333 My father has gone on a very long trip. 509 00:24:33,989 --> 00:24:37,372 - He has gone on a ghost mission. - That's 510 00:24:37,648 --> 00:24:38,959 That's weird. 511 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,824 He wanted to say goodbye to you in person, 512 00:24:41,238 --> 00:24:45,863 but he was too afraid he might miss his ghost train. 513 00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:49,729 Well, that's That's okay. 514 00:24:50,937 --> 00:24:55,803 He also told me that he cared for you very much. 515 00:24:55,804 --> 00:24:59,566 So much so that he wanted you to have this. 516 00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:02,016 - What is it? - No idea. 517 00:25:02,017 --> 00:25:04,053 But he said you must keep that somewhere safe, 518 00:25:04,054 --> 00:25:06,504 somewhere locked up where no one can get to it. 519 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:10,267 - Wh-why? - Because he's going to need it someday 520 00:25:10,854 --> 00:25:12,303 when he comes back. 521 00:25:12,959 --> 00:25:14,926 You really have an amazing father, you know? 522 00:25:14,927 --> 00:25:17,757 I do, Colin. I really do. 523 00:25:23,073 --> 00:25:25,661 There's just some shit that I need to sort out over here. 524 00:25:50,238 --> 00:25:55,726 ♪ I was born to haunt you 525 00:25:58,833 --> 00:26:02,664 ♪ Like a shadow from above 526 00:26:04,804 --> 00:26:09,602 ♪ I was born to haunt you 527 00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:17,190 ♪ Terrorize, terrorize you through and through ♪ 528 00:26:18,335 --> 00:26:24,335 ♪ Well, I was born to haunt you ♪ 529 00:26:26,550 --> 00:26:32,280 ♪ And you were born to haunt me too ♪